How to Not Adopt a Cat

In 22 steps and 5 red flags....

Step 1 : Fall in love with an online cat who lives in a humane society in southern Maine.

Step 2: Fill out preliminary application and wait a couple days to hear from them.

Step 3: Call and find out that nobody had read my email but we could come visit the cat the next night.


Step 4: Visit gets canceled because nobody will be there when we can go.

Step 5: Decide to drive down with both girls this morning.

Step 6: Arrive at 11:15 to find Humane society closed (they supposedly open at 11) 

Step 7: Call the volunteer I'd spoken with yesterday and find out that there is a legally blind volunteer inside and someone should have been there running the gift shop (?!) but that the president is on her way over. 

Step 8: Play in the grass with girls until the front door opens.

Step 9: Go inside and ask young male volunteer and elderly female volunteer about seeing the cat.

Step 10: Female says she doesn't know the cats as she just runs the gift shop (?!)...Male says he can show us the cat rooms but he doesn't know which is which as he is legally blind and do we know what the cat looks like? (!!) Red Flag



Step 11: We go into one of the cat rooms (*smelly!*) and I immediately recognize the cat I had fallen in love with. She is beautiful... but ambivalent. 

Step 12: The other cats begin to converge on us and younger daughter gets freaked out and begins to cry. Red Flag


Step 13: Ask if we can bring the desired cat into a smaller room without other cats so that we can visit.

Step 14: Visit with cat who is very sweet but doesn't seem too into us and younger daughter is definitely not too into her. Red Flag

Step 15:  Upon trying to enter the main cat room, other cats run into the small room and the male volunteer has to try to find them (with my visual assistance saying where they were hiding). He has to pull his sweatshirt down over his arms to protect himself from getting scratched. Red Flag

Step 16: Go downstairs to gift shop (?!) and ask if we can see the paperwork on the cat to learn more about her. Male volunteer doesn't know and Elderly female doesn't know because she just runs the gift shop, but the president should be on her way over.

Step 17: Daughters begin playing with all of the fragile looking glass necklaces and pottery in the gift shop. Male volunteer is tripping all over bags of things and the general mess that he isn't able to see.

Step 18: Oldest daughter begins whining that she wants all of these things and why won't I buy them for her? and when told that I will not be buying these things for her, tells me loudly that she doesn't love me anymore and begins throwing a tantrum.

Step 19: Think about just leaving right then, but meanwhile another volunteer had arrived who had gotten permission to find the binder with the information about THE cat and we were waiting for her to get back.

Step 20: In the midst of crying (from oldest) and fussing (from youngest), Volunteer with binder tells me the history of the cat. She is very sweet, but frisky and will probably require some supervision around the young children. Red Flag

Step 21: Quickly thank everyone and get the hell out of there.

Step 22: Feel very relieved that we DON'T have a cat.