The Solstice Compromise

Travel back in time 8+ years to the younger, more naive, and childless Margaret and Mike first living together in Minneapolis. Mike, having been raised Jewish, and Margaret, having been raised culturally Christian, decided to come up with a hybrid holiday that they could celebrate together. After much debate, they realized that they could neither be all encompassing (celebrating both Hanukkah and Christmas in their apartment because Mike felt an intense pride about being different, not assimilating to the craziness of this time of year, and definitely did not want a Christmas tree in his house). They also could not be exclusive and only celebrate their hybrid holiday because Margaret held a stubborn love for Christmas and enjoyed being around lit up trees inside of living rooms. So the compromise they settled on was that they would give each other presents for Chrisukkah, they would give presents to Mike's family for Hanukkah and they would go celebrate Christmas with Margaret's family (where Margaret would get to live vicariously through their tree).
 
About 4 or 5 years ago, after finding a Happy Chrisukkah card in the grocery store, they decided that they needed to either come up with a new name or to begin celebrating something completely different. The Winter Solstice was decided upon and seemed like a very fitting compromise for two secular individuals, after all it was hard to deny the reality and sheer awesomeness of the days beginning to get longer again. That was truly something to celebrate!

Their Solstice celebration began to take shape the year that their daughter Addie was born. She was only 10 days old, but they (along with Margaret's Mom and Dad) donned Solstice crowns (made from foil stars on bendy wire), ate crepes with fresh fruit and whipped cream, gave each other presents and had a Caribbean themed dinner (to celebrate the coming warmth).  After dinner they lit tea-light candles to float in the Solstice bowl (a large glass bowl filled with water, pebbles on the bottom and a large candle in the center).  Each person present lit a tea light candle from the center candle and said something they were thankful for from the past year and placed the candle in the bowl. Then after everyone had a turn, each person lit a second candle and made a wish for the coming year.  Since the overhead lights were turned off, the only light in the room glowed from the lights of the many tiny thanks and wishes floating gently on the water.

Winter Solstice 2007

                                                        
The next year in December, Addie turned 1 and Margaret began to feel pangs of sadness that her child would not have a Christmas tree in her house. Addie didn't notice or care though, it was just Margaret projecting onto Addie.  There were a lot things that Margaret did not like about Christmas, mainly the extreme commercialism and the assumption that everyone celebrates it. And yet when they Christmas songs start playing and the trees and lights began to go up around town, Margaret began to wonder about the compromise that she and Mike had made and more debates ensued.  But they both really did love Solstice and that year another new Solstice tradition was added. They began waking up before the sunrise, going outside (in whatever temperature) and yelling "SUN SUN SUN" at the top of their lungs at the first spotting of the rising sun. Addie was too young to light her own candles or to say what she was thankful for, but Margaret and Mike guessed. They even lit candles for their cat Bobby McGee.

Winter Solstice 2008

The December that Addie turned 2, Margaret had an easier time accepting the compromise, in fact she felt a little pride at being different and not doing what everyone else was doing in their own homes. And although Addie was going to a day care/school funded by Catholic Charities and she came home with reindeer food and other x-mas related projects, she was still to young to process any of it and definitely wasn't asking questions about Christmas and Solstice.  That year they began a Solstice Eve tradition of inviting some close friends over for beer and cheese soup and other warm foods.  For Christmas they traveled to be with Margaret's family again, where Margaret got to relive her childhood excitement of full stockings, presents under the beautiful lit tree, and big family meals.

Winter Solstice 2009
*Bobby McGee past away from feline leukemia a week after this photo was taken :( *

December 2010 rolled around and Addie turned 3. She now had a little sister named Calla. She was still attending the same school and was bringing home the same reindeer food and other x-mas related projects, but now was also singing Christmas songs, talking about Santa Clause, and wondering why her house wasn't decorated like other houses.  This brought up a lot of the old feelings Margaret had about Christmas a couple years ago and she felt lament that they would not be going to get a Christmas tree with their kids like so many of her friends were doing with their own young children.  Margaret and Mike talked to Addie about Solstice and about the holidays that they celebrated as children with their own families.

They got a Winter Solstice book to help Addie and themselves learn about the original Solstice traditions of long ago. They were excited to read that for the Incas of Peru it was the tradition that on Solstice morning joyous shouts would ring out from everyone at the first spotting of the rising sun, much like their shouts of "Sun Sun Sun". They also learned that in ancient Rome people hung evergreen wreaths on their doors to remind themselves of the coming spring. Margaret proposed that maybe they should get an evergreen wreath for their door...it wouldn't have to have a red bow or anything! Mike was unsure.

When Addie bursted out with "I LOVE Christmas!", it was nice for Margaret to be able to say that although they don't celebrate Christmas in their own house, they would be celebrating with her grandparents.  When Addie asked about Santa Clause and whether or not he would be bringing presents, Margaret and Mike told her about the story of Santa and his reindeer and reiterated the fact that it is a story. They will not be convincing her to believe that Santa is real and will be bringing her presents in Old Town but if she chooses to pretend that the story is real, just like she pretends that Elmo lives in her house with her, that is up to her!

**It is difficult living in a predominately Christian part of the world and part of the country in December if you do not celebrate Christmas. "It" is everywhere, especially in the town that we live in. All of our neighbors go to church and have very decorated homes, Christmas music is pumped through speakers tied to lamp posts along Main Street and the stores start pushing the Christmas frenzy even before Thanksgiving. I never noticed any of this before meeting Mike, because I was fully entrenched in it. I appreciate that my relationship with him has allowed me to step out of the Christian bubble and view this holiday from the eyes of a non-"Christian" (quotes because although I don't really identify with being Christian, I admit to being culturally Christian) . I want my daughters to be raised knowing that not everyone celebrates this holiday and that in fact a majority of people in the world do not. I love that our Winter Solstice holiday encompasses a lot of the things that I loved about Christmas as a child, the lights, the presents, the big family meals. And the other night Mike came home from the grocery store with an evergreen wreath sans red bow. "A Solstice Wreath!" I exclaimed. "A Peace Wreath", Mike said. Regardless of what we're calling it, we're making this time of year our own...something we can both believe in and and teach our children about with joy.