It's a Girl!

Calla Elizabeth Burman was born on October 16th at 2:19 am!

Over the course of the last week, I have managed to write down her birth story and I am posting it here, despite it's incredibly long length!

              Around 11:45pm on Thursday October 14^th, I started feeling contractions that were a little more intense then what I had been feeling Tues. night when we went to the hospital for the false alarm. Knowing that we didn’t need to go back until the contractions were strong enough that I couldn’t continue activities between them, I lay in bed and tried unsuccessfully to time them. I walked around the house, sat on the toilet, read a book, and couldn’t go back to sleep. Finally around 3 or 4 am I woke Mike up and said that I thought it might actually be “it” this time. He started timing the contractions and we waited at home until about 5 am when we decided it was time to go to the hospital. We called Cassie, our doula, and the Birthing Suite at SMMC to let them know we were coming.  

             The weather was torrential that night, after a week of gorgeous warm fall days. I remember thinking that the baby had timed this pretty well. We got to the hospital and got checked in. During the exam, the Dr. determined that I was still just 1cm dilated and about 50% effaced, no change from my Dr.’s appt the day before. There was talk about sending us home again, but being that I was attempting a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) and the fact that my water might have broken (the Dr. thought she felt a gush after the exam, but there didn’t end up being a lot of fluid), they decided to admit us. For the next 6 hours or so I walked the halls, sat on the birth ball and felt very calm and relaxed between contractions. The contractions themselves weren’t even that bad yet. What was starting to become unbearable was the severe back pain in my lower back. Every time a contraction would come on while walking out in the hall, I would have to drop to my knees and hold onto the wooden side rail. The pain was excruciating and one of the few things that helped was when Cassie would stand behind me and push my hips together. Around noon I was checked again and was close to 2-3cm dilated and about 70% effaced. They let me labor in the jacuzzi tub for a while. Mike was able to get in too and he sprayed my lower back with hot water and the weightless feeling took a lot of the pain away. I remember being in very good spirits and conversant between contractions.     

           They did another external exam and determined that I was close to 4cm dilated. At this point, because I was a VBAC patient, I needed to be continuously monitored. I was relieved to learn that they had a wireless monitor though, which meant that I could still walk around and wouldn’t have to lie in bed. This “wireless” monitor ended up being the same exact belly sensors and wires except that instead of hooking up to the large machine on the table, they hooked up to a large archaic looking metal box on a long canvas strap (like a big robot purse). So we must have looked ridiculous walking the halls: Me, dropping to my knees and moaning every 3 minutes, Cassie squeezing my hips together, and Mike standing beside me rubbing my head, wearing his purse.      

            After a few hours of laboring like this they checked me again and I was still just 4cm dilated although a little more effaced. I had wanted to get back in the tub again and while they normally don’t let VBAC patients in active labor get in (because of the need for continuous monitoring) they decided to make an exception. The nurse had to come in after 10 minutes to put the heart rate monitor on me to make sure everything was still ok with the baby. But because the print out was back in our room and in the nurses station, Mike had to call out into the hall to the other nurses to make sure that the sensor was placed correctly and then relay back to the nurse, who was good humouredly shaking her head saying that she has NEVER had to do this before! I think I was checked again and might have dilated to 5-6cm.

         The labor continued and around this time I think I stopped opening my eyes. The contractions and back pain were just so close together and unbearable. I remember being so grateful for the sounds of Mike’s and Cassie’s voices who would guide me through each contraction, giving me encouragement and trying to get my moans to be deeper. There was talk about how long I had been laboring and how if I didn’t dilate more after several more hours they might have to start Pitocin. Around 7pm, Dr. Benezra (an osteopathic manipulator who I had been seeing a couple weeks prior to this) came to meet us at the hospital. I remember feeling overjoyed when I heard her voice. She tried to work her magic and I was hopeful that her manipulations might encourage the baby to move away from the posterior position and allow myself to dilate more. 

            I was checked a little while later and was still just 5-6cm dilated. At this point my options were: continue laboring with a Pitocin drip or have a repeat c-section. I wanted to avoid the second option as long as possible so I agreed to the Pitocin. At this point I had been awake and laboring for close to 24 hours and was completely exhausted. At a moment when everyone was out of the room but me and Mike, Mike looked at me and asked: “Are you still thinking you don’t want any pain relief?” “No”, I said, “I think I need some pain relief!” The thought of labor like this that could drag on and on for who knows how much longer was beyond frightening, especially since Pitocin is supposed to make contractions even more intense. After great deliberation I decided to get the epidural, instead of an intrathecal, and I was “reassured” by one of the nurses or Cassie ( I can't remember) that if I wanted to have more sensation and be able to feel the contractions during the pushing phases, they would be able to turn the epidural down or off. This would have sounded great to a non-laboring Margaret who had been planning and preparing for a non-medicated birth for months. But the Margaret who had been laboring with back labor for close to 24 hours and was finally feeling sweet relief from the pain, found the thought of turning off such a wonderful concoction laughable and completely comical. Why the hell would I WANT to feel anything that is more painful and intense than what I have already been through. No way! I was done with being drug-free! After feeling the effects of the epidural I also immediately understood the draw for some women to just get one right away after being admitted to the hospital. Even thought it didn’t work perfectly ( I could still feel a little sliver of each contraction on the left side of my belly), the relief was incredible. I told Mike that I felt drugged, and he said that wasn’t possible, what I was feeling was complete exhaustion that I was now able to relax into.

         They upped the Pitocin level two times but my contractions ended up getting less intense and farther apart. I was told that the Dr. would be coming in to check the progress in a little bit and if I hadn’t dilated any more they were going to have do a repeat c-section. I had labored for too long and they were concerned about the stress it was placing on my uterus, not to mention the fact that I was just not dilating anymore for some reason.

         While a repeat c-section had been the last thing I had wanted, I knew that at this point that I had tried absolutely everything I possibly could to have a vaginal birth. What I had really wanted to experience was labor, and boy had I done that! At this point the thought of ending the labor and being able to just hold my baby as soon as possible was incredibly appealing. The doctor came in and checked me and no further progress had been made. So, c-section it was. I was put on a gurney and wheeled down to the OR and prepped for surgery. I remember thinking “here we go again” and feeling a little sad, but mostly felt excited that we were going to meet our baby REALLY soon!

         The procedure didn’t seem to take very long at all and before I knew it, I heard little cries and Mike looked up over the blue sheet to announce, “It’s a girl!”. Calla Elizabeth! She was brought to the warming table to be checked and I felt a little sadness at the fact that my dream of holding my baby, cord still connected, immediately after birth was not possible. But mostly I cried tears of joy and just could not stop shaking. Mike brought her over to me and I tried as best as I could to place her skin against mine, but this was difficult as there was not much room and I couldn’t hold her by myself yet. She had a huge cone head from where the back of her head had started to move through my cervix first and then got stuck. They were pretty sure my water had broken during labor but were perplexed as to why there wasn’t a huge gush of fluid. During the surgery my doctor found most of the amniotic fluid up behind Calla’s body, her big head had just been working like a plug, not letting the fluid out!

         Typically during middle of the night surgeries, the mothers have to spend an hour in the recovery post-op room while the babies are brought up to the nursery. But I had really wanted to try to breastfeed as soon as possible and we asked if there was any way that we could stay together during that time. The post-op nurse wonderfully agreed to bring me up to our room in the Birthing Suite to do the monitoring there, so that I could also nurse Calla at the same time. Up in the room, Calla was unwrapped, placed against my bare chest, went right to my breast and began to suck as if she had been doing it for years.

         After about an hour or so she was weighed and measured: 8lbs 7oz and 22inches long! They delayed the eye ointment until the next morning (really just a couple hours later) and I don’t think she was bathed until later that afternoon.

         During my pregnancy I thought so much about how I really wanted to have the experience of labor and natural childbirth, especially since this is our last child. I read hypnobirthing books, found a doula, kept going to yoga, saw a therapist to deal with post partum issues and fears from Addie’s birth and considered myself to be very prepared for the adventure. I was a little nervous about the onset of labor and what that would feel like, how would I know? I was also nervous about labor and birth itself and wondered if I would be strong enough to do it naturally. I worried that I might go post due and they would just have to do a repeat c-section and I would never get to have the experience that I so wanted.

         In the end I was definitely able to experience labor (in fact I’m not sure there is much else that a woman could do during labor that I did not try!) 24 hour labor with back labor was the most excruciatingly painful thing I have ever been through and I am so proud of myself that I was able to do it naturally for so long. All of my preparations helped guide me through the difficult labor and also importantly, they gave the peace and perspective to deal with the final outcome of c-section, which was not what I had originally wanted.

         Calla is healthy and beautiful and loves to nurse and I am so grateful for all of those things. She is starting to look a little bit like Addie did as a newborn. She is very strong and is already lifting her head up. She is mellow as can be and fusses very rarely (completely prepared for this to possibly change though!) She has very dark brown hair that sticks up crazily in the back reminding me of Jack Nicholson in some crazy role he played. She likes swinging in the baby swing, being swaddled, looking intently at our faces, and seems much older than 10 days old. We are completely in love with her and, as cliche as this sounds, our family is complete.